nonetheless, something to make me look forward to..

DONT ASK ME WHY

I AM FEELING VERY FRUSTRATED.

as frustrated as a frustrated girl

i can spew my mighty vocabulary of vulgarities anytime now.

i dont understand how can people just leave a mess of shit for the others to clear up.

and at such special timing, it seems everyone’s finding faults with me.

or i just like to picture it this way. THAT my friends leave junks of thrash in the project yet urge me to move on to another equally effed up project, THAT im still happily sleeping and when i come back to the computer, i see vulgarities spewed in the conversation box, THAT when i just want to be alone, someone not appreciated appeared right beside me, THAT when i sms to ask for something, i dont get a reply that suits my request, THAT when i needed help to book a pathetic barbeque pit, the helping hand was chopped off, THAT when i needed someone the most, … … …

i always look forward to the next day hoping that the next day can be better. but since saturday, every next day didnt seem to get anywhere better.. including today. but still, i look forward to tmr again. because i still believe.

should i believe?

i wont get my handphone back tmr. that leads to at least 10 other things i dont wanna talk about.

i just want to hide in my room and cry under my blanket. i want to cry over all those things that had happened over the past few days. probably i’d feel happier after that. so dont stop me.

ps. im not angry with anyone. im just angry with myself and the situation now.

pps. dont offend me. my mood is swinging.

ppps. if anyone reads this and feel that i suck, then get away because i dont need you around anymore. just fuck off and get on with your miserable life. CUNT.

sigh, i think my life is as miserable. ): 

想回到过去

what now?

____________________________________________________________edits

its 11 more days to liang’s birthday (:
20 more days to my brother’s birthday
and 23 more days to christmas!

have been thinking about christmas for so long. my favourite festival other than chinese new year. heh. but i receive money on chinese new year.. and every christmas, i spent more than hundreds on presents and food and a nice party. 😦

but i still love christmas.

and i yearn for an overseas trip now.

*

sigh, i dont like today. im feeling sooooooooooooooooooo… so… … … weird.

bah! i dontknow how to describe what im feeling. ): i just dont like today.

i hope tmr will be better.

so much for my happy ending

dead drunk

 i went clubbing at dbl o with some friends.

and i became

DEAD DRUNK

thankyou my dear friend for cleaning my vomit off me. i didnt know i vomit that much. thankyou kaitai and ben for trying so hard to carry me down the stairs. thankyou kokping for trying to help. thankyou liang for cabbing down to pick me. thankyou qx for taking care of me the whole night.

so funny. but i swear im not going to drink anymore. dont let me smell the slightest smell of alcohol.

):

i drank 3 shots of tequila, 1 glass of beer, 1 bottle of bacardi, and vanilla vodka NEAT.

fuck! i cant believe we drank vodka NEAT. i cant believe we dont feel a single shit when drinking vodka NEAT. i cant believe im drunk. i still cant get over the fact.

its a phobia now.

dont ask me go clubbing already can?

sigh, i thanked all i can thank. can i start to apologise now?

sorry liang for breaking the promise. sorry to those who clubbed with me. sorry i puked all over. sorry i know i stink. OH YES, SORRY IM HEAVY. heh.

sorry qx. sorry qx. sorry qx. sorry qx. sorry qx. sorry qx. sorry qx. sorry qx. sorry qx. sorry you didnt have enough sleep again. ):

when i woke up today at 3:30pm. i switched on my phone and realised that my friends have started sms-ing me to ask if im alright. they tried relating to me what had happened at the club. im grateful because they care.

but the person, whom i think was the most disappointed with me, kept silent throughout the day.

he didnt ask anything. not a single thing.

.blogspot.com

Im already in the process of creating a blog in blogspot.

CAN ANYONE GIV ME IDEAS OF A NICE URL NAME?

im pretty serious here. dont come telling me “chaotarmianbao” “chaotamianbao” “caotahmianbao” “mianbaochaotar” whatever shit ok. nothing to do with mianbao pls.

sidetracked:

I didnt go to work today, and I didnt inform anyone. Its 7:30pm already.. I dont have my phone with me. ):
aye, actually i have lar. i have my sim card with me.. but im plain lazy to insert the sim card into my phone.

ok, i’ll definitely miss wordpress. ):

____________________________________________________edits.

fyp fyp fyp
i hope i can squash you, like you’re a pea
do you think i finish you up in 3 miserable weeks?
i hope i can, and they hope i can too. (pea)

im going to meet qx less ):
im going to work less
im going to get more stress
im going to smell smoke more
im going to get more stress
im going to be more focuss
im going to get more stress
im going to have later nights
im going to get more stress
im going to eat less

nvm, 3 more weeks er yi.
then i’ll relax for one week, that is magical christms week.
then when school reopens, we will study damn hard and wait for our exams to come.

(:

then it’ll be graduation.

WHERE SHALL I HEAD NEXT?

):

WordPress VS Blogspot

I have a great desire to switch my blog to blogspot now. I have been using blogspot since the secondary school days and found no problems with it. I switched to wordpress in February this year because i couldnt log into blogspot with my then effed-up computer for months. and TATA, here i am with wordpress for 10 months already.

OH, speaking of using blogspot since my secondary school days. I went to my previous blog at blogspot to read the entries a while ago, and i realised how stupid i sound in the past. god damn. anyone who still remembers the link, please do not type it in ur web browser. urgh shit, i think everyone probably still remembers that url. Its like so easy to remember. and many people gave me so many suggestions to how i should spell that (insert URL here) ..
“people is lik tt one.. once we’ve argued over a topic for some time, we will tend to remember the details more accurately.”

nvm, i shall try to remember my password and username and then delete that blog.

forever and ever.

(but before i do that, if any mugglers out there really really have my previous blog’s url etched in your minds, PLEASE do not go around spreading it.. i will get A N G R Y)

ok lets back to the topic.

i have a great desire to switch my blog to blogspot now.

that day i told qingxiang this and he promised he’d help me sign up a new google account cos im having big problems with my previous account.

“that probably explains why i havent delete my previous blog”

and then the next day, i told chengkai i wanna switch to blogspot. he gave me the 0.0 face and exclaimed,

“I WANNA CHANGE TO WORDPRESS ALREADY THEN YOU TELL ME YOU WANNA CHANGE TO BLOGSPOT”

0.0!

heh (: ok lar chengkai didi, u hurry up come wordpress.. then i will stay put here. HAHA.

I like wordpress, because it feels so class. =/

festive

still upset over the fact that i didnt submit the assignment today ):

and i had a very angry day at work today! but i shall not start my rants here because i’ve already complained what i can to SelvaRaj the Mr SecurityGuard. and he eased my feelings by helping me solve most things i complained about. Eg: finding a locker, opening the damn cap of the damn mixer, finding lost punch card.

im feeling so sleepy because i didnt sleep well last night. and the wind tonight made me feel even sleepier. damn damn, the wind was so big and i felt so naked becuase the wind blew so hard across my stomach. dont understand hor? nvm, i’ll just rmbr not to wear what i wore today during the rainy season which is slowly approaching. hehe.

im so in the christmas mood (:
(even weisheng’s braces is getting ready for christmas)

& I WANT TO BUY A DRESS FOR CHRISTMAS (:

that time i was having this black stocking fetish and people around me started warning me against it, some were making fun of it.

examples
gavin: rer if you’re gonna wear black stockings, dont sit in my car.
chengkai: that black rabbit’s dogging.

now now now, im having this dresssss fetish leh. have been indulging myself with beautiful dresses and i love wearing dresses to the airport because its a one-piece slip on piece of clothing. gives me more time to walk to the mrt station to catch the last train home. hehehhe.

it feels so happy just to be able to think of the number of dresses im going to have in my wardrobe. =p

but shit, my shelf is not up on my wall yet. someone, pls come and help me drill little holes in my wall to screw my shelf up. i said, PLEASE?

oh yes, i said i’ve already induced myself with the christmas mood. i kept thinking of the things i’ll be doing on christmas.

• a party? =D
• clubbing? =D
• running down the streets with santa claus hat? =D
• a stayover? =D
• a tipsy night? =D
• alcohol alcohol alcohol? =D
• a bbq? =D
• caroling? =D
• a silent night? =|
• a lonely night? =|
• study? =(
• home alone? =(
• omg, work? =((( 

shit, im going to stop thinking. this is getting so scary leh. i want to party~! (: anyone?

2 sides

I actually composed a story and intended to use it as a case study. But i realised i cant continue with the story because some words cant be used in the story. So i shall just get straight to the point.

I was supposed to meet qingxiang and accompany him to Paya Lebar today to collect his Ipod Touch, and then he will accompany me to the airport to have dinner at Popeyes before i start work. THAT WAS THE PLAN.

and plans always subject to changes.

The Changes
I realised that there’s an assignment to be handed in on Wednesday and the assignment is really really tedious. (I shall post up photos of my assignment when Im done with it.) If I go to work today, I will only reach home at 12:40am which will be too late to start my assignment. & I doubt I can complete it on time.

I didnt accompany qingxiang to Paya Lebar, I accompanied him to Taka instead because it was nearer and he promised he’d help me with my assignment. After collecting his Ipod Touch, he went to Fab Tan to get a Fab Tan. (hmmm, not that fab afterall) 

There’s one other major change that really affects my mood, and affects qingxiang’s mood. I dontknow to say its my fault or what that I didnt consult his opinion before agreeing to the dinner. I was pretty upset with him because he made things difficult for me. But on the other hand, even if the reasons he gave were for himself, he made me realise some things I’ve missed out.

I didnt go to work – I told Kaitai its because I wanted to use the time to finish up my assignment. If I went ahead with the dinner, I will find no time for my assignment.  And in such a case, I might be better off working. This is very similar to what I experienced on Sunday when qingxiang didnt want to join us for dinner because he said he need to study for his tests. But instead, he found his way to catch a midnight movie with his friends. I dont want my reason for not working to become an excuse.

Its d e f i n i t e l y not because of him. If it is, then you wouldnt find me eating crabs at Jumbo on Sunday already.

aiyah. dontknow what Im trying to explain anyway. i want to rewind everything. back to the moment when qiaozhen calls.

nvm, im still very steady one. really really. dont believe? ask me go clubbing loh! 0.0

ANYWAYS, i really did the assignment leh. I was trying to produce very nice work that I spent THREE FUCKING HOURS drawing this.

And I’m not done with it yet. The dimensions are not in and the colour theme for the room is not confirmed yet. This shows how much effort I’ve put in for this stupid assignment.

YAWNs.

Today Weixiang scolded me because my lecture notes for the PFM module was terribly messy. That kind soul helped to organise my notes and staple them in order. Then he insisted that the “non-strata” part of the module is only on one single topic. The happy part about it was, the lecturer mentioned that for the exam, only 4 questions need to be answered and there will be 3 questions out of the 6 questions in the paper that will cover the “non-strata” part. That means if I study just ONE topic, i get to cover 75% of the exam already. Whoah, smart studying. (:

But the weird part was – that ONE topic.. is only one piece of paper leh. ):

Im so amazed. really really. Im truly amazed. JUST ONE PIECE OF PAPER WITH ONE AND A HALF PAGE FULL OF WORDS CAN cock up 3 questions meh?! Unbelievable, though i really want to believe. Therefore, I deduced that Weixiang is too tired to think properly and his words are thrash.

And then in class today, I found this very interesting thing leh. 

SHIP SHIP (:

THERE’S A SHIPPY FROM CHINA ((:

THIS IS SHIPPY FROM CHINA (((:

ok end of story. Im tired, and im going to bed. I have to wake up early tomorrow and I will (:

P.S. please go to bed now silly boy.

love me, love me not.

LOVE is about TRUST

but i dont trust my love. how?

is it to do with gaining trust? or is it to do with my own feelings?

if you read this and you feel a tinge of sadness, then probably you love me too.
if you read this and realise that you’re pissed now, then you dont love me. at all.

im feeling cranky. there are hundreds of reasons why.